For the victim, they have been misled by the ego's of others to behave in certain ways that are based on self-sacrifice.
I was taught as a child, for example, that I was to sacrifice my sense of good self, to sacrifice my time, my money, my self esteem and everything else I had in order to allow others the free use of and benefit of it. This played out for many years until I finally put my foot down and decided I'd had enough of self sacrifice. People who are taught to sacrifice themselves become martyrs and are generally looked down upon in our "dog eat dog" culture. They are not respected for being the givers that they are. Those who get and take are the ones at the top of our food chain, not the ones who sacrifice. How many times have you heard people talking about "slaving to get their pay check," or just complaining about life in general? How much work they do and how little thanks they get? These people are victims and martyrs who have developed a false sense of self esteem based upon sacrificing for others. Rebuilding self esteem, recovering from victimhood and martyrdom can be done. There is one simple little word that speaks volumes. It is "no". Learn to say it if you're tired of being taken advantage of because this is what martyrdom leads to. I have no problem with philanthropy, charitable giving or any other act of kindness, however there are circumstances that they must be performed under. If it is under duress, trickery, a false sense of kindness, a sense of superiority, or any other egotistical situation, I'm not about receiving anything from anyone and I won't give under these conditions either. I have returned donations from people I have been at odds with because they expected me to martyr myself. Giving and receiving in good will is of priority to me. If you are forced to do something for someone out of a sense of obligation, or fear that you may not be seen as nice, even by yourself, then you have to take a second look at that. There are many who give open-heartedly because they are loving people. But to give out of a sense of martydom does no good for the martyr nor the others who take from them. My mother was such a person, a terrible martyr, who despised all the work she had to do and let you know it too, and I still feel like I had taken advantage of her. She clearly didn't want to be in the circumstances she was, and gave out of a sense of obligation, not love.
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AuthorI have lived this nightmare and have overcome being a victim. Archives
March 2020
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