Victims personalize others' behaviour. Yes, there's a lesson on this in the book.
Here's an example of what I would do when I personalized someone's behaviour or comment: I would think about what they'd done or what they'd said. I would make assumptions, which we're also very good at. I would take offense. I didn't give people the benefit of the doubt because to do that, I wouldn't be acting from my role - living from my own false sense of who I was and how I was supposed to live out my life. I never had any doubt - everyone was out to harm me! Being a victim of two people's strange abusive regime left me convinced everyone else was just as bad. They're not. I could only see past all of this personalizing when I kept the focus on myself. I was a big one for trying to understand other people's motivations without ever asking them; like I said, I made assumptions. I had to keep the focus on myself. In doing this, I became introspective instead of focused on others and making assumptions about what they meant. This was the key to my freedom! I had to admit a lot of things about myself I didn't like. Like the fact that I was present in all the dysfunctional relationships I'd had. The victim always sees themself as above others and a victim of others' negative behaviour and there is the attitude of martyrdom thrown in there to boot. One problem with the victim is that they ALLOW others to mistreat them. They often mistreat themselves though. I remember that I thought that that was my right, if I wanted to abuse myself I could. But others didn't have the right to do that to me, only me. Often when you're abusing yourself, you're abusing others, if not in physicality, then in your thinking. And I had every name for every person who had ever abused me. I was abusing them all with my thoughts. So I was just as bad - I just didn't generally do it physically, although there were times when I did lash out at others. That's why forgiveness is important: it clears up the energy between you and your abusers. Some people abuse as a form of retaliation - I was one of them. Some people abuse because they're energy vampires and think it makes them look superior. It doesn't.
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AuthorI have lived this nightmare and have overcome being a victim. Archives
March 2020
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