Rescuers see the world a particular way - they see everyone as being victims and they see the world as being in need of their help. Their high handed view of themselves, their moralistic outlook and sense of righteousness makes them see everyone as a victim and in need of their benevolence. This is a highly codependent role and one of the positions on the victim triangle.
Many people have made changes in their lives, not just the rescuers. However rescuers believe that their change is the only change that's good for humanity. Allowing others to live their own lives, make their own mistakes and pilot their own ships is not their style. Their nosiness, their meddling into your life is only done to gain evidence for their cause. My experience is that it has more to do with their ego validating their own path in life than it has to do with concern for others. I was accosted by such a person yesterday who attempted to convince me to go to his church, of course at the cost of 10% of my already low income in the plate every week. He feels Jesus is my solution but his belief is different than my own beliefs and sitting in a congregation of people who are only too willing to hard sell me on the merits of their way of life is not my way of spending an evening. Besides, I'm 60. I don't watch movies. What's out now isn't geared to my view of life; it's all to do with younger people. I'm not Hollywood's main market anymore and amen to that. I blatantly eschew any type of social influence in the name of authenticity - finding my true self. My steadfast refusal to be victimized and to stand in my own power is the fuel for my life, and I get stronger by the day. I'm not broken and I don't need fixing. This is worth repeating if you're ever accosted by the rescuer: you're fine, you can do this yourself and don't need to assume any person's way of life in order to become whole. And that's the truth: you don't. We're all on our individual paths and what you need to deal with is put before you daily. You don't need to be saved from your own life's path and your soul's choices for you. I held my ground, using the broken record technique with them. I guess it didn't hurt that I was becoming more and more agitated. I don't like to use anger as a weapon of assertion, but I was becoming frustrated with his insistence. I see attempts like this as absolute violations of others' free will. He wasn't offering, he was virtually insisting, and on his supposed concern for my well being. I resent the implication that I don't know what's good for me. I do. I have sought outside help when I needed it and it worked because it was what I was looking for. This is another problem with foisting your life's plan on another: they only will do what they are convinced will work for them. The old adage, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink," applies here. One person's way is not everyone's way. We are born to experience many things in progressive lifetimes and what you're doing one time may not be the next life's choice. I have dealt with meddlers before, those who are so sure they know better than I do what's good for myself, people who try to reinforce the idea that my own expression of myself is inadequate. I find many will claim expertise on things they have never done, or outright lie to give "proof" of the merits of their argument, some offer solutions that are inappropriate yet still insist they're the correct way (example of two aunties who wanted to accompany me on a job interview!) and none of them, without fail, ever waits to be asked before they launch into these control scenarios. This is a violation of one's free will, the most common in fact that many people do: they don't wait to be asked. Putting out a message to somebody that if they need help, you're available, and then waiting for them to ask you is the correct way to proceed with this - this is not a violation of others' free will. Codependency is. It's best to deal with your own feelings about what's going on with them and learn to let go of your fears over them. This may be in fact, what life is trying to show you. Self mastery over your own fears and need to control others. It takes restraint to allow others to walk their own path, especially when they're close to you. When you don't allow others this, you rob them of the experience of making their own mistakes and that feeling of winning when in fact they are successful. In the end, I ended up saying, "Thank you for your concern but I'm not interested," and he backed off. I believe this may have to do with the validation his ego is seeking from me: that he's right. He feels I was telling him that he is right, or at least that's what his ego believes, but I wasn't. My saying "I'm not interested," means I"m not interested because I'm wrong, to him and have chosen to continue this incorrect course in my life. The true hallmark of your beliefs is whether you can live with them totally alone or whether you need someone to agree with you. The former is true strength and authenticity; the latter is ego dominated beliefs.
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AuthorI have lived this nightmare and have overcome being a victim. Archives
March 2020
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