Allowable emotions.
If you were brought up in an emotionally repressive environment, or have ever held a job where stifling one's real emotions is important for the sake of earning an income, you may be only allowing yourself to express a limited range of emotions, just out of practise. These are what I just termed, "Allowable emotions." I don't know how many times I smiled at someone at work when I really wanted to tell them off. But you had to to keep your pay cheque. If you can't express your full range of emotions at least even privately, then you're still repressing them. Sometimes addictions help in this regard. We drown out emotional binges that would have been healthier to have had. I figure human emotions are like piano keys. There are the funny ones at each end that sound weird but they're there for a reason. Don't confuse emotions with their resultant states. I see many emotional charts do this. One I saw even mentioned a state of drunkenness as an emotion. No, that's a state. It's the emotion you were feeling before you started drinking that dictated how much you would imbibe, like anger, sadness or happiness. https://www.healthline.com/health/list-of-emotions#fear
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Another one of our rights: We have the right to be ourselves, to make mistakes and not to be corrected on them by someone who positions themself as our superior. Advice givers and rescuers are who I'm specifically talking about. This is an example of the power over others structure being enacted. Any behaviour where one seeks dominance over another is.
We have the right to say "no" to what appears to be offers of help. These people seldom give us help out of compassion for us, but rather they appear to be helping us in order to condescend to us and enforce their feeling of superiority over us. This is their egotism in high gear. I've found in the past that these so-called helpers are also gossips who laughed at me behind my back. One of them was my mother. Mistakes are part of the learning process we're all engaged in. Anyone who's intolerant of your mistakes needs to take a look at their own selves. However, people have the right to choose who they wish to engage with in life. If your process doesn't resonate with the person, they have no need to engage with you if they don't choose to. It goes two ways. People have rights you need to respect.
One of these rights is to determine for ourselves the next course of action. We don't need others meddling into our problems and trying to fix us. Often the reason people try to fix or rescue other people is because THEY'RE not comfortable with what you're going through. This is because in our intellect-based world, people are uncomfortable with emotions. We spend our time trying to repress them so we can get through a stressful day at work. Can you imagine what any high stress workplace would look like if everybody vented their emotions at the time that they felt them? It would be crazy. However, if people did, they might start to clue in to the fact that there's something wrong in the way we do things and that we need a better system for ourselves that doesn't require people to stifle their emotions to partake of it! And a system that doesn't produce as much stress as ours does. The need to quell one's emotions often leads to mood management through addiction. This is highly dysfunctional. The other right that people have is the right not to have you tell them how to feel. Your boundaries need to stop around yourself and should not include managing the feelings or any other aspect of another person's life unless you're ASKED FIRST to help. And again, because of our society is so emotionally damaging, others can become very uncomfortable with you if you tend to show your emotions readily. I was taught to repress my emotions, particularly my anger, by my father who claimed the right to be the only one in the family allowed to express anger. Why? Because he was projecting all his inner rage at life back on his kids. His self-centered attitude proclaimed he was the only one allowed to be angry at the world, not us. This is extremely tyrannical but people do this in ways that may not be as obvious as my father's tactics were. It's done all the time. Ever hear the term, "Forget about it?" We even have a joke, mimicking the New York Italian accent "fuggetabutit." That's how common it is to tell others, "Drop it. I'm not interested in dealing with your feelings." Listening to your emotions is the path to wellness, and suppressing them for any reason will bring on poor emotional and mental health. I spent many years learning to feel, tolerate and re-connect with my emotions again when I went into recovery. Emotions make people uncomfortable because we live in an emotionally-repressed society. They are necessary for many reasons - I use them as an empath to understand my reaction to lower energies, for example and to understand when I'm being confronted by an energy vampire. Taker: Yeah, let's get together again as soon as possible!!
Giver: Meh. This is when you know you're with an energy vampire and this person is bleeding your life force from you. Cut cords and cut off the relationship. Believe your feelings. They're not lying to you. We are energy sensors and we know when it's been siphoned off. |
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