Expressing in the Negative - what you're really saying
They don't deserve that. I do deserve it. Neighbour buys a great big new 4x4. You jealously look and say, "They don't deserve to have that! They'll mistreat that car. They'll run it into the ground." What you're saying is, "I deserve to have a good car too. I deserve to have it because I take care of my cars." She's skinny because she smokes! You're saying you don't smoke and take care of yourself so you deserve to have a nice body too. He just got a promotion to Senior Paper Clip Shuffler!! What you're really saying: I deserve to have a promotion too. I work hard and I'm dedicated to this company's success so I deserve a promotion as well. You don't get what you want because you're too busy being envious of others that do. It's all about how you speak to the universe. You have to be able to say what it is you want and need and expect the universe to provide it out of love for you. Focus on the positive!
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Listening to someone complain chronically not only drains you, it enables them to keep on being powerless and complaining about their life.
I just looked at my messages on Facebook, something I don't normally do because I get a lot of hate mail. Sure enough, there was a message from "Facebook User" who bothered to message me to complain about the fact that my man calls me, "My Love" in the work we put out to the public. I have another type of work I do and I involve my partner in it.
They actually were rude enough to ask, "Is that really necessary?" I know there's something in this that's coming up for me and it's that I have to just say it this way: "Why do you think I care enough about you to, first of all acknowledge your complaint, and secondly to comply with what you want? Do you really think that I actually CARE about you or your complaint? There's a great book on assertiveness called, "When I say No I Feel Guilty." Author Manuel Smith goes through a list of the your rights and one of those rights is the right TO NOT CARE. Why people message me with petty, miserable complaints like this and expect me to stop it for their sakes, I have no idea. I guess they think that they matter enough to me to get me to comply, when in fact they don't. Because I just say, "I don't care!" and carry on with it. If you don't like it, don't view our work. You do have the right to not care. Obviously, there are things that you would do for people out of common decency, like not scratching their car, or going out of your way to make them miserable, or jeopardizing their life to any extent. That's just common decency. But thinking that you personally matter to a total stranger is certainly not realistic behaviour, even one whose work involves helping others. The way I see it is if you can't be decent with me, then I will just ignore your complaints. These days there's so much focus on being unconditionally loving, being nice to everybody. Well, that goes two ways, as I see it. I do reserve the right to have compassion for you however. To be that socially miserable, you'd have to be in a lot of pain. Life is always trying to get a rise out of you. I was discussing the lack of toilet paper with the cashier and another customer. I had a pile of cat food cans that I was buying.
Guy in line behind me says he's not worried about toilet paper shortages. He'll just use his cat to wipe his butt. I looked at him and smiled. I don't react to comments like that because despite the fact he's trying to get a rise out of me, I'm well acquainted with that macho type of thinking "dogs are good, cats are bad." I didn't say anything, just ignored him. This is the thing, too, people. If you have trouble with reacting to people yanking your chain, take note of the times you DIDN'T react. When we do react we feel like a "total failure" and in fact there are provocations we don't react to and you have to notice this as well. You have to remember that attacking someone back won't change their way of thinking, and it won't help you much either. I feel sorry for his cat, though. This is the kind of town I live in. Can't wait to move. Life can be hurtful. We were scared, hurt and confused as children, particularly if we were abused. This was the time we were building our false masks, the ones we hoped to create to fool people into thinking we were acceptable. We hoped that when we changed our behaviour, we would never have to feel that way again. If we couldn't change our behaviour to make others change theirs, we created defenses to try to stop the pain.
We would attack and criticize others in return. We would judge them as being insufficient or worse. We would compare ourselves to them and find them lacking. Other defenses we created: we'd minimize the importance of things, we'd maximize the importance of others. I remember as a kid, school and my nice teachers were my heros and I did my best to garner positive attention from them because my parents were so horrible. I did well in school, at least earlier on. Then my focus changed to boys, but that's a whole other story. I did my best to gain acceptance from kind people to tell myself my parents were wrong. We deny things are happening. I had neighbours recently, three people who lived together, a mother, an autistic daughter and her tweaker boyfriend. The tweaker would erupt in violent fits, hitting the girl and causing havoc in the house. Neighbours would call the police because his behaviour was disturbing the peace. I'd see the mother out the next day, doing laundry and housework like nothing had ever happened. My thoughts were, "You should be running," but clearly this level of dysfunction was something she was used to and used denial to keep herself in it. We are always acceptable and it's time to take the mask off. Everything you criticize anyone else for, ask if you're doing the same to yourself. Are you projecting your stuff? Judgment and criticism are two ways people project all the time. The other that I can think of is comparisons - comparing yourself to others is an ego defense. For the seeker, who wants to know themself at soul level, this is a gold mine, a treasure trove of information that can be gleaned daily if one is willing to do the work. If you look at others and criticize their appearance - do you criticize your appearance? Do you compare yourself as being better than others? If you do it's because you fear you're not. The ego has to be called out on all this stuff. These are ego games you play with yourself in order to buoy your sagging self esteem. If you want real self esteem, get through your shadow and connect with your soul. People want to know how to become more spiritual. It's simple - look at your daily life. It's all there. You don't have to do anything special - just look at yourself. Have the humility to feel your feelings, understand your defenses against feeling hurt, feeling fear, and the defenses you set up in order to allow yourself to continue to carry on with negative habits you'd be better off without. When you criticize another for being fat, it's because you know you are but you're putting your attention on to another person instead of taking a hard look at yourself and feeling the feelings of having failed yourself. Directing your attention to others completely circumnavigates the normal process of trying to improve oneself. We feel shame thinking we're admitting failure. But the only failure is not trying. I'm going to try this. To gain immediate access to the soul's wisdom.
When you're in your ego, you're in a first person perspective. "I am doing." - "I am criticizing this person for being a lousy driver. Blah blah blah blah...." First person perspective: I. Try switching to the third person perspective when the ego is fearful. Third person perspective: (s)he. The observer. "She is doing." "She is criticizing this person for being a lousy driver because she is fearful of the other drivers making mistakes. She had a car accident at 16 where she was hit and thrown off the highway and she hasn't worked through the pain of it yet, so she keeps fearing." I hate when people attack other people on social media. If you're in a group you can always expect some not nice person to attack you on your post. She hates when people attack other people on social media because she feels the pain of the person who is doing the attacking as it hooks into her psyche. She needs to learn to have compassion for the suffering of others, even those who attack her. (Yes, as an empath I am well versed on human suffering since I've carried so much of it through my life. I just hate doing it though.) I just hate carrying people's pain all the time, as a highly sensitive empath. She hates carrying people's pain as a highly sensitive empath because she doesn't know how to work with these energies, and she suffered these attacks as a child at a time she didn't know how to work with the energies either. She has suffered overwhelm as a result so she avoids it as much as possible. Imagine how awesome it'd be to switch to a higher perspective when you're in the middle of some shite you haven't worked through yet, or some mind controlled behaviour you're subject to keep repeating. Or just in a generally bad mood which could have many causes. See? You see the understanding you reap coming from a higher perspective rather than staying stuck in the ego? I've met many people who can't come up with a list of 10 things they love about themselves. Ask yourself, "Why does X love me? What is it about me that he or she sees in me?" If you can't understand why they love you, then you have low self esteem. The way to improve your self esteem is to connect with your Higher Self. This can be done by going straight through all your character defects (I'll bet you can make a big list of things you DON'T like about yourself, can't you?) and learn to see them as you on a learning curve. Stop judging yourself as bad for having them. Everyone has character flaws. Nobody is perfect. You're in good company. Learn to accept yourself even with your flaws. Then you'll understand why people love you. It's focusing on what you think is wrong with yourself that's keeping you from seeing anything else. If you have to, make a list of all the things you've done to help people out. Everything you've ever done. You're only seeing one side of yourself. There is two. As a victim, you tend to see people as taking advantage of you. But they all don't. Some are there for you. Now be there for yourself. You can thank me later. Saw this meme on facebook and I was outraged!
This person is a predator. He believes others have to EARN his respect. Automatically he's scrutinizing others to see where he can exploit them. I've had that happen loads of times so I know that it does. He automatically positions himself in the superior position over women. People are respectable because THEY'RE ALIVE. That's the reason you should respect others. Just think about how different this world would be if people did that. All automatically offering their highest regards to others. What a different place we would live in! The positive side is at least this person is letting us know how he thinks and we can steer clear of him. Basing your respect of others on what they do, rather than on who they are is false. This is conditional love and it's part of the power over others structure. It is very unloving. Unfortunately we have to watch out for predatory others because we all don't think alike. Anyone avoiding being a victim again needs to heed messages like this one. Someone just said this to me: "I've enjoyed this experience. I've gotten a lot from it and I'm sure you've had some insights too."
Don't tell me what my experience has been. You have no idea. I replied back to the person that what my experience has been is for me to know and not for him to dictate to me. Don't tell other people what their experience was. All you're doing is projecting your wants onto that person and hoping they'll confirm them for you. And it has nothing to do with them, but what you want to hear. It interferes with their free will to have whatever experience they want to have and not to deny it. If the experience was negative, then it was negative. If it was good, then it was good. But that's totally up to them to decide, not for you to dictate out of your own needs. People behave selfishly all the time. When you're more aware you understand this and you just don't listen to them anymore. You walk your own path. Many violations of your rights are conducted in the name of "being nice." |
AuthorI have lived this nightmare and have overcome being a victim. Archives
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