This list is NOT all inclusive. There is lots more.
Yup Watch your boundaries. Where are you in others' heads? Where do you let them into yours? If you take control of another's life, are you willing then to take responsibility for whatever happens to them? Do you ASK another person first before foisting your demands on them? Do you automatically expect others to take care of your needs without their having said they would? Do you respect others' free will to be themselves and to take charge of their own lives or do you interfere, thinking you know better? Do you give advice even when it was never asked for? Do you automatically assume people don't know what they're doing and they need your help rather than understanding we're all at different levels on our own paths? Do you believe that others' irritating behaviours are faults of theirs you have to control or do you believe that you need to change your reaction if you find it irritating? Are you capable of disconnecting, of not reacting to others' behaviours? Do you label them as annoying when in fact it is you that gets annoyed and it might not bother anyone else? Are you detached from others' behaviours that used to trigger you or still reacting? Do you judge others and yourself because you're afraid of not being perfect? Do you attack others before they get a chance to attack you first? Do you spend the day pointing out others' faults rather than compassionately looking at your own? When energies are up and you get moody, do you restrain yourself or lash out at anything including coffee mugs, slow computers and toilet paper that's rolling the wrong way? Do you allow other people to "make mistakes" or to try and fail, which is part of the natural process of life? Or do you step in and take control because you think you know best for them. Do people resent you? Do they get annoyed with you? Could you stop for a moment and look at what you might be doing that makes them respond to you that way or do you see it all as their shortcoming and just blame them? Do you just blame others? Is everything everyone else's fault and never any of yours? Are you perfect or are you just completely defended against seeing any of your own shortcomings out of fear of looking inadequate? Do you argue with others? Do you believe that you need to dominate others in a festival of opinions or do you value your peace more and believe others are entitled to their own opinion? Do you ever consider you could be wrong and others could be right? Do you see everything in black and whites, like yes/no, positive/negative, I do/I don't ever.... or can you look at the shades of grey in between? Do you compromise with others? Is it always your way? I can go on. This is only the beginning of how hard I've had to and continue to look at myself. Do you allow yourself to be manipulated? When neighbours come over looking for sex do you fall for their attempts to keep you from diverting off topic by saying that your cat looks healthy when its hair is falling out? Do you allow their cheap talk of "your apartment looks nice, I could be very comfortable in here," without seeing their true agenda of trying to get laid? Do you not see what people are trying to pull over on you and fall for it every time? This leads to poor self esteem, by the way. Do you think people are basically honest or liars? Can you tell the difference. The way to tell the difference is to be honest yourself by the way. Do you fall for flattery? Do you soak up people's insincere compliments while you allow them to run their manipulative agenda on you? Or can you tell the difference? Do you believe there's no such thing as just liking a person for who they are? Do you believe that the only friends are people who can do something you can't and you expect to manipulate them into doing this by befriending them? Do you try to trick people? Do you tell people what they're supposed to think of you, or do you let them make up their own opinions, even if they end up hating you. Do you believe that when someone tells you about you that it's really you they're talking about or a reflection of themselves?
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AuthorI have lived this nightmare and have overcome being a victim. Archives
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