The first time I came across this concept was in the Four Agreements, by Manuel Ruiz. Because of my empathy, I still struggle with people who project at me. People tell you who they are when they speak to you, not who you are.
Can other people know more about you than you know about yourself? Ultimately the answer is no. They can only relate to you through their own filters, their own experiences, and in the case of those who haven't done inner work, through their own subconscious programming which comes down from their parents. This is the programming people run on autopilot with, unexamined thinking and consequential behaviour. My super keeps coming over to finish the repairs on my apartment. He keeps trying to fix me. He's codependent and the type of person who enjoys helping others. That's great. When others want his help. When they don't want his help, it's not appreciated and then you're dealing with a boundary violator. I don't appreciate someone coming over and telling me to change my life. How can anyone do that because they're not me, they don't understand who I am, they don't understand what I'm dealing with. There's a lot about me this guy doesn't understand - he's looking at me from a superficial perspective. Yet he still does it. He comes over and tells me to change my life. What he's doing is giving me practise in not blowing up. I used to explode before whenever people would do things like this. Or even argue with them, which is only engaging and encouraging them. Which is really the wrong tactic to use because then you're triggered. I sat there yesterday while he tried to fix me again, quietly letting him talk, then I changed the subject to the reason he came in in the first place. Do I find it annoying? Yes, I do. But I didn't blow up. Self control is self mastery. If it weren't for boundary violators we would never master our emotions and thoughts but in fact we have to. That's the point of life. He is telling me who he is - a meddler that minds other people's business. He is doing this in order to escape from his own problems which plague him. He fancies himself superior to others. I look for other evidence of this: one example would be his snorting when I said I have better things to do than hang out in the kitchen and cook. He believes that every woman should live in their kitchen, apparently. So many play at this game. The "I'm better than you are," game which to some gives them the right to either fix you, talk down to you, bully you, gossip about you, laugh at you, swell their pride, and more. Fact is, like I said, he has NO idea who I am and no idea of the fact I'm perfectly capable of fixing my own problems. People tell you about themselves; not about you. How does this affect the empath? You're around people who are projecting low vibrational energy at you. It's best to shield yourself from things like this or occasionally meditate and run higher vibrational energy through your body. Cutting cords is also very handy. I've been writing and thinking about him, so I'll cut cords now, for example.
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AuthorI have lived this nightmare and have overcome being a victim. Archives
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