Might be the title of my next book.
Victims make assumptions. That's how they become victimized. They don't check it out, find out, research or ask first before they assume everything is going to go the way they want it to. Making assumptions will always trip you up. Ten people have done this for you, so for sure the eleventh person will do the same. No they won't. These last 3 jobs have been so easy, surely the fourth job will be a cinch. Guess what? I believe making assumptions is something victims do because they have been disappointed in life. They have been disappointed by people who were supposed to be there for them, like their parents. They have been disappointed and because of that, they always assume that they'll never be disappointed again. Unfortunately, that's called deluding yourself. There is a way not to be disappointed again: understand that you've learned how to re-create that problem of being disappointed by making assumptions. After all, all children rightly assume that their parents will meet their needs. It's just natural to expect that. However, how many people can say that their parents were 100% perfect for them all of the time? Yeah, not that many. You wouldn't be reading this if they had been. You made the assumption, and of course no fault to you in that, and you continue to make assumptions with others expecting them to be the parents you didn't have. You blind yourself to the reality of being disappointed again by making an assumption, but in fact you are setting yourself up for further disappointment by not checking it out with others first. I once had a friend who was a sweet guy. He was a great photographer. He and I would go on little trips with our cameras and he'd give me tips on how to take better shots. He was around my age so it would have been easy to assume that he was interested in a further relationship. HOWEVER, I didn't make that assumption. It was awkward but on one of our jaunts I asked him outright, "So, what are we doing here?" He asked, "Whaa?" First not understanding. I asked him outright, "Are we friends or are we working on something more for ourselves?" "Oh!" he said, "I'm just interested in friendship." And you know what? That was great. We were great friends and he was a dear friend to me. And boy, was he a good cook! Wow! It was okay and I saved myself a load of victim pain by asking.
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AuthorI have lived this nightmare and have overcome being a victim. Archives
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