One thing the victim always seeks is a rescuer. And it's absolutely rampant how women support each other in their positions of victim and rescuer. Whenever I'm asked to, I decline. I've had three or four conversations with a woman who's just moved in who is a victim, energy vampire and a codependent. She came to my house and asked me to give her one of my flowers. I said they were $5 at the local market. I don't like when people enter my house and start shopping. I've had too many do it already. I went over there today and listened for 3 hours about her talking about the break-up of this guy she swears she loves. The guy backed off in fear and she can't figure out why. She figures he's hurt and can't commit. After speaking to her several times, I realize that she dominates her relationships. The victim is also the potential perpetrator if you allow her to be. She is an energy vampire. I wrote her a Dear John letter saying I'm not interested in pursuing friendship and I told her exactly why. I don't want to wait until next weekend when I'm due for another ear-busting session about how awful she feels. Victims have problems because they can't solve them. They have relationship problems because they're victims and codependents. Other people's problems are not your problems. You can help them as you choose to. If you don't want to, you don't have to. There's no law that says you have to help someone. There's also no law that says you have to build a friendship that drains you, and that's what this one will be if I allow it. You do learn to see the forest coming. It takes experience. It's called being kind to yourself. If you've been raised as a good girl or boy, you will battle feelings of not being nice. That's okay. Accept that this will come up but hold your ground. Don't let the past manipulate you into a lousy future. There are people who have problems and there are people whose lives are an ongoing drama. There are people out there whose lives aren't constant chaos. Wait to find them.
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AuthorI have lived this nightmare and have overcome being a victim. Archives
March 2020
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